I just completed this training 2 days ago. The first question that I popped up to the instructor was 'Can I implement the tactics and skills on kids?'. The answer was 'Of course.' This keep me alive on the class and found it was so truth. One of the concept called expressive influence. It contains 4 parts - Tell, Sell, Negotiate and Enlist.
Part 1: Tell - express your needs. We always assume and yes, we need to assume especially for baby. Baby cries to express his/her needs. And he/she knows that by doing so, he/she will get your attention.
Part 2: Sell - give reasoning. This is the best part. Last week, during one of Koko colouring session at home, I told him to colour all the pictures, but then he just stop on the last picture and start packing up his book. So, I asked ' Why you didn't finish the colouring?' 'I can't colour anymore BECAUSE my hand is painful.' Koko stressed on the word 'because'. Now, Koko is very smart to give reasoning and always will purposely stress on the word 'because'. My question to the instructor was how i can counter back? Instead of them influencing me, how I can influence back. This is no easy.
Part 3: Negotiate- give incentive. I'm very good at this skill towards Koko and Didi. Koko buy in to that every time. Every morning to get Koko to wake up, I got to make promises. 'Mummy will buy cake for you later.' 'Do you want to have new toys?' 'Do you want your swimming costume' I got to make sure I find something that Koko likes then only he'll get up from his bed and feel excited about it. However, this skill will never get to Didi. You just can't bride Didi. No matter what he loves, he'll not do things on your way. He is the guy 'My way only.'
Part 4: Enlist - encourage/envision. This tactic work well with both Koko and Didi. Whenever, both of them are having lunch/dinner, Daddy will encourage them. 'Wow, big mouth. Very good boy'. If you spoke to Didi, and Koko heard it, he will do the same thing and prove to you, he is a good boy too. So does Didi.
We have been practicing the skills everyday, either you notice it or you don't. This is a very important skill to be mastered by everyone.
A few good quotes:-
'Pause to reflect. Take 1 step backward to move 3 steps forward.'
'People may be persuaded by reason but they are moved by emotion.'
'With great power came great responsibilities.'
'What you do before you do, that's matter.'
Lastly, the best learning - using the word 'will' instead of 'can'. I always asked Koko 'Can you please listen?' It just doesn't work with him. Then last night, I asked him ' Will you please listen?' Guess what, Koko just smile and look at me, instead of his usual way of throwing tantrum.
